Posted by: birdmaddgirl | 20 October 2010

runs from the map off your body

i’m finding it difficult to be internal. this is not so much of a surprise to me, i can articulate loads of reasons for it. but this new little bit of insight from my body is… well, not surprising, but something i hadn’t looked for.

i don’t know how long it’s been going on, but i’m shooting out in all directions. i’ve always had trouble keeping my upper ribs in (and have been working on it for years). within the last few months i noticed that one of my major issues with balancing postures (both standing and arm balances) is that i am lazy lazy lazy about engaging through the inner line of my legs and that my ankles bow out ALL THE DAMN TIME. it’s driving me crazy now. i can’t walk or stand without thinking about my bowed out sailor ankles. and now, now, to add to this, i’m noticing that my elbows won’t stay in either! c’mon body. a little help here, please. dolphin pose: splayed elbows. typing at work: splayed elbows. stretching and yawning: splayed elbows. i know this hasn’t always been the case, so when did this start? i used to have a pretty decent dolphin and now i have to back out and retuck my elbows into place. i can’t type for more than a minute at a time without re-gluing my elbows in to my sides. if anyone thinks your body doesn’t embody what’s going on with your mental and emotional health, i submit the exhibits above.

well, paying attention is step one.

it’s time to start thinking about my research project for this semester, and i’m excited to get back into something that makes me feel wholly myself. i’m debating three potential dynamics to explore: fiery deaths/burials; folk wisdom/book learning; rebellion/authority. just finished reading Wide Sargasso Sea and loved it beyond words.

 

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