Posted by: birdmaddgirl | 11 March 2011

what i want is not to want what isn’t mine

trying to divest myself from attachment to what i never had to begin with.  like plans for this summer. i got very attached to the story of going to spain: maybe jumping the intermediate level hurdle, getting my coursework for my master’s done, resetting my brain and getting a true break. yeah, not happening. it sets my timeline back by a year. i got too attached to one way of making something happen, and i am my own disappointment now.

i’m sometimes able to see the ways this opens things up. i can sail again (anyone want to be my river buddy?), i can visit some friends in other states, i can try to go camping. i’ve started planning a little creative retreat with a few people, just a weekend beach getaway, that i’m hoping to solidify by the end of march or beginning of april. i’ll theoretically have some money to go to argentina with friends in the winter.

still, it’s not the dream i had for this year. i wanted to throw myself back out into the world and see if i could float.



  1. sometimes the universe gives us not what we want but what we need. i’m sorry your Spain plans fell through, but i look forward to that creative retreat! hugs.

    • i’m looking forward to it too! it just feels like i’ve been taking baby steps for a while and i wanted to take a big leap. but another time.

  2. I’ll be your river buddy–I’ve never been sailing! 🙂

    • look out – i will hold you to it! 🙂

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