Posted by: birdmaddgirl | 3 April 2013

the 305/617 divide

did you think this blog was just a clever title? oh no no. pretty much anytime i travel back to florida (and much of the time in between) i spend gnawing upon the question of home. the hesitation i feel in wholly committing myself probably grows out of the divide in my heart.

if you know me even a little,  you probably know that i am proud as hell to be from miami. proud even of things that should horrify me, like reggaeton. when i left 14 years ago, i just wanted away, out, anywhere else. i took the undergrad-train to elsewhere and have been in metro-boston ever since. i could tell you all sorts of things that would justify my inability to let go of sofla, but the one that matters the most to me is this: my poetry is the poetry of miami. of too much light reflecting off asphalt, of reptiles in the backyard, of calle ocho and cuban bakeries, of shore birds unconcernedly slinking alongside the turnpike.

old time coral gables

but i’ve lived most of my adult life in boston. i mourn and celebrate all the little changes. i root for these sports teams (well, except my fins). my art community is here. my coffee shops. my bars. my music venues. my sidewalks: concrete and cobblestone and brick. when i think of leaving, i ache for the daily tides of my life here.

in some kind of fantasy universe, i could divide my years in three: one for miami, one for boston, one for travel. i don’t live in that world, and at this moment in my life, i’m not sure what would make that a reality. or if i would want to pursue that path if i could see it. but i know that i’m getting older. that even if it’s not a permanent decision, it’s nearly time to start pondering real estate. the future is no clearer to me in my 30s than it ever has been. if my grandmother’s house was still in our family, this would be an easy decision. but it’s not.

place matters. i want to give my heart to the place i am. for now, i will go back home and return home and feel none the wiser but more the inspired for it.

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